Kind words from a stranger

I got a review on Amazon that made me cry. In the good way. The reviewer said they were "honored" to have read my novel about a woman "who has seen the worst humanity has to offer" and stands up to "fight for what she wants out of life." The reviewer also said that Saving Tate was a perfect example of the saying once you hit rock bottom, "you can only go up from there."

I am the one who is honored 

to have someone say such kind words about something into which I poured my heart and soul. I say it all the time, but people can't really understand what it means when I sell another book. It's a piece of my heart and soul finding another home. I write in the hopes that everyone feels like this reviewer when they read Saving Tate and Fielder's Choice. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

One thousand thirty-six and counting

   It wasn't too long ago that I was sitting in front of my computer, waiting very impatiently for my 100th sale. At the time, I was amazed and humbled that I was able to write something that so many people loved and supported.
   Now, I sit here, in front of my computer and I can't even fathom the numbers I see in front of me. I look at the stats several times a day and the numbers in front of my eyes don't even make sense. And I just wanted to say thank you because I would never have reached the 1,000 mark without each and every one of you who supported me by purchasing my books.
   I try to tell people what it means to know that so many people have fallen in love with these characters I created in my mind, to know that they are all waiting for the next installment of the Carlyle family to be ready, to be connected to people I don't even know through the pieces of my heart I left in my words. It is truly humbling and I thought I had known what it was to be humble but I get proven wrong every day.
   So as the numbers climb higher and my little corner of the world expands more and more, I again say thank you to all of those who have made my dream literally come true. There is no greater feeling in the world than knowing that the beauty and love I so hoped to create has found a home with at least 1,036 of you out there.

Day of Giving

     In an effort to help ABC/Disney in their "Day of Giving" and in honor of my family in New Jersey affected by Superstorm Sandy, I will be donating 100% of my royalties from the sales of my books (Saving Tate and Fielder's Choice) on Monday, November 5th to the Red Cross. It may not be a lot but every bit helps. Please share this with your friends and family and let them know my books are available for sale on the Amazon and Barnes and Noble websites. I will keep track of my sales throughout the day and donate the royalty amount. Thanks for your support and to everyone else who will donate. 

Ending to Fielder's Choice

   So my friends, in the transition from one laptop to another, the correct and final version of Fielder's Choice was lost and the wrong version was uploaded for sale. So in an effort to rectify the situation, I have posted to ending to Fielder's Choice here. I don't know how it happened and I hope this reaches enough people that purchased the book so they will get the ending they deserve. Thanks for your support.



*******Warning: Adult content. Reader discretion advised.********

Chapter Eighteen

Mallory woke and felt her back burning. Because of her belly, she couldn’t roll to relieve the pain so she scooted to the edge of her bed. Maybe walking for a minute would help.

As she rose, a flood of water escaped from below her nightgown. “Oh. Oh no! Nora!” she cried as a severe contraction grabbed hold of her body.

Nora came flying into the room and switched on the light. “What? What’s wrong?”

“My water just broke. The babies are coming.”

“Okay. Okay, I can totally handle this. Sit down. We’ll get you into some dry clothes. I’ll call Dr. Fletcher and let her know we’re coming. You’re sure it was your water?”

“Yes, Nora. I didn’t wet my pants.”

“Just checking. Okay, get dressed in this,” Nora said as she tossed a cute blue maternity sundress onto the bed beside Mallory. “I’ll go call the doctor and get your hospital bag then I’ll tell Tate we’re leaving.”

“Okay,” Mallory said, breathing through another contraction. “Nora, the cribs are still in the boxes.”

“We’ll figure it all out, Mallory. Just breathe and try to relax. Well as much as you can during labor.”

Mallory chuckled and changed clothes. She slipped on a pair of backless tennis shoes, grabbed her cell phone and purse, and started making her way downstairs.

Nora met her at the door with her hospital bag. “Ready, Mama?”

“I guess I can’t really say no, can I?”

“Sure you can. Just cross your legs and that should do it.”

“Don’t tell Syd that. We’ll get an anatomy and biology lesson,” Mallory said laughing.

They made their way to Mallory’s car and headed toward the hospital. Nora kept glancing over at Mallory and it was making Mallory crazy.

“I’m doing my breathing. Stop staring at me.”

“That’s not what I was wondering.”

“Then what?”

“Did you call him?”

Mallory closed her eyes. “No. They’re still on the road. What good would it do? Besides, I haven’t heard from him since he left the hospital three weeks ago.”

She looked down at the ring on her right hand. She had thought seriously that morning about taking it off but she had promised him as much time as he needed. It hurt every day to look at that ring and not know if he was coming back.

“Mal, I think you should call him. He loves you.”

“I know but he needs space.”

“He would want to be there during the birth of his children,” Nora argued.

“I know that, too. Please just drive, Nora. I can’t do all this right now.”

“Fine.” Nora kept her gaze forward the rest of the way to the hospital. When they arrived, she stopped at the main entrance.

“They’re waiting for you up in maternity. Your doctor should be here soon. I’ll go park then meet you up there.”

“Alright. Thank you,” Mallory said and squeezed her sister’s hand.

“Go get ready to have those babies.”

After Mallory levered herself out of the car, Nora drove around looking for a parking spot. She found one then picked up her phone. “Sorry, Mal. You don’t always know what’s best.”

She dialed and waited for the voice on the other end.

“She needs you. The babies are coming,” she said when he answered.

“I’m on my way right now.”

Nora sat at her sister’s bedside, exhausted. Coaching Mallory through the birth of her twins had been one of the most physically, mentally and emotionally taxing events Nora had ever gone through.

She was beginning to doze when the door opened but she thought nothing of it. Nurses had been coming in periodically to check on Mallory. But the whispered voice coming from behind her was no nurse.

“Oh God. Nora.”

She jolted and turned to see Patrick standing in the doorway.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her hands shaking.

“I needed to see you, to make sure you were alright.” His eyes coursed over her entire body as if looking for marks, his gaze landing on the scar on her right arm where Mrs. Thatcher had cut her.

“I’m fine.”

“Christ, Nora. I didn’t even know you had left North Carolina until your mom called my mom to say Mallory’s twins had been born. Then I got the full story about everything that happened. I can’t believe you were taken hostage.”

She didn’t know what to say so she remained silent. Which was beneficial because he kept talking.

“I did what you asked Nora. I stayed away. But it scared me when I heard about what happened here. I left James with my parents and made arrangements and I got the first flight out that I could find.”

“It was three weeks ago,” she said, wondering why James was with Patrick’s parents and not his own mother but refusing to ask the question.

“Not for me. For me it was this morning.” He took a step in her direction but she took one back.

She shook her head. “Patrick, I can’t do this.”

“I just have to tell you-”

“No!” She winced at her own raised voice and glanced over at Mallory’s sleeping form. She motioned Patrick out into the hall. “No,” she said again quietly. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to know anything.”

“You can’t just cut me out of your life,” he argued. “We’ve been friends for fifteen years.”

“I have to,” she pleaded, hoping he could understand. “Please, just let me go. I can’t stand by and watch you with a baby that should have been mine. I can’t do it. So please, if you care for me at all, leave me alone. You make it hurt too much.”

Nora felt the tears escape her eyes but she couldn’t stop them.

Patrick watched the girl he’d always known and the woman he loved fall apart. Because of him. Because he had been blind to what had been in front of him for years. So, he’d give her what she wanted. For now.

“Okay. I’ll leave. I just had to see you for myself.”

“And I appreciate you coming out here but what I really need is a clean break.”

Patrick shook his head. “I’ll give you space, blue eyes, but there will come a time when you’re going to need me and I’ll be right there.” He stepped closer again and cupped her wet cheek in his palm. “And from that day on, Nora Katherine Carlyle, you won’t be able to push me away.”

With that he kissed her gently on the lips. “I still love you,” he whispered then turned and left a shattered Nora in his wake.

“Mal.”

Groggy, she opened her eyes and looked at Denny in the hospital room doorway. “What…”

“Nora called me.” God, she looked so tired. He walked to her bedside and reached for hand. “How do you feel?”

“Kind of empty.” She smiled slightly and squeezed his hand. “I’m just tired. And a lot sore.”

“I bet.”

“Have you seen them?” Mallory asked quietly.

“Yeah. God, baby, they’re so beautiful. We did that. How could something so perfect come from me?”

Mallory sat up gently and cupped his face in her hands. “Because you are perfect, Denny Thatcher.”

“Mal…”

“Wait, just wait please.” When he nodded, she continued. “You weren’t the only one who needed time to think. I screwed up so many times I don’t even know where to start apologizing. You were right about everything. I was scared of getting hurt and letting you in. I was scared of losing you if you didn’t want the babies. I was scared you’d find someone that was more interesting. Every accusation you hurled at me was dead on and I’m sorry I let you down.”

“Mallory, stop. Don’t cry. I hate when you cry.” Denny sat beside her on the bed and pulled her into his arms. “Shh, baby. I’ve got you.”

After she calmed, Mallory pulled back a little. “Are you okay?”

Denny exhaled deeply. “I was getting there but when Nora called me, everything clicked into place. I knew where I needed to be and what I needed to be doing. The past can’t be changed but I know that I’m not responsible for Daniel’s death. My mother’s death is still going to mess with me a little but I think with you holding my hand, I can make it through.

“We both sabotaged our relationship for reasons we may never understand fully. But I have to live with the fact that I missed my children’s birth.”

“I should have called you,” Mallory whispered against his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too, baby. I’m sorry you had to go through this alone.”

“Nora was with me but I wish it had been you. Even if I had called, you probably wouldn’t have made it in time. So don’t feel bad.”

Denny smiled sadly. “Can’t help it.”

Mallory smiled back at him. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” Denny leaned down and kissed her softly. “I promise I won’t ever walk away again, no matter how much space I think I need.”

“Good to know.”

Denny grabbed her right hand and slid off the ring she placed there three weeks ago. “You told me before I left that I’d have to be the one to put this back where it belongs. I’m sorry I made you doubt me. I’m sorry you had to go through this alone. I’m so sorry for everything that has happened but I know as long as we’re together we can take on anything that may come our way.” He slid the ring onto her left ring finger. “Now, for the last time, will you marry Mallory?”

She smiled and wiped the tear off her cheek. “Of course I will. But I have one condition.”

“Uh oh. How bad is it?”

She smacked his arm softly. “Shut it, Thatcher. I don’t want some big media frenzy. I just want my family there. So as soon as they all get here, can we just get married? No huge plans, no designer gown, no massive wedding cake. I just want to finally start our lives together. Today in the hospital where our children were born.”

Denny smiled sweetly down at the love of his life. “That sounds pretty good to me. And then we can go home to my place and start living that life. You’ll have to tell me what you think of the kitchen.”

“Yeah, about that. I have still never seen the inside of you house.”

“Don’t worry. You’ll love it.” Mallory eyed him warily but he just laughed. “According to Nora, I’m the only parent of those twins with a ready nursery.”

Now she smiled. “You put your cribs together?”

“Well, yeah. The day after we got them.”

“I’m still nervous about your house.”

Denny laughed. “Just trust me.”

“I do,” she said softly. “Always.”

Denny kissed her lips once more then rose from the bed. “Let’s go see the babies.”

“I didn’t name them yet. I wanted you here for that. We hadn’t really discussed names.”

“Yeah, I know. What were you thinking?”

“Well, I like Bayleigh Jane and Benjamin Daniel. What do you think?”

The tears shimmered in his eyes as he held Mallory close to his heart. “It’s perfect. God, I love you. Thank you, baby. So much. For waiting for me, for loving me, for choosing me when you could have anybody else.”

Mallory placed her hands against his cheeks and forced him to look her in the eye. “I would choose you, Denny. Every time.”

Epilogue

Somehow, her family had turned the drab hospital chapel into a magical wedding venue. Light from the candles softened the harsh white walls; supermarket flower arrangements now adorned every surface in beautiful vases and even a few water pitchers from the nurse’s station.

Mallory sat in a back pew and looked around the room, Bayleigh in her arms. “Well, buttercup, your daddy has no reason to forget your birthday or our anniversary.”

“Hey, I resent the idea that I’d forget either,” Denny growled from behind his soon-to-be wife and their daughter.

Mallory turned around laughing, then just smiled at the way Denny cradled Benjamin in his arms. “Looks good on you, Thatcher,” she said softly.

He smiled back and looked down at his son. “I think so too. You don’t look so bad yourself. The Carlyle ladies strike again.”

Mallory glanced down at the white sundress her mother brought to the hospital. Her hair was curled, her makeup was flawless and her hospital slippers matched her dress beautifully.

“They did good. This place is wonderful.”

“Well, thank you, sweet pea. We tried.”

Denny and Mallory turned to find the whole Carlyle clan standing behind them. Well, almost everyone.

“Mama, where’s Nora?” Mallory asked as her mother relieved her of Bayleigh’s small form.

Becca glanced at her husband and Sydney before answering. “She left.”

Mallory shook her head. “What do you mean she left? That’s not like her.”

Tom handed a piece of paper over to Mallory and ran a hand down her hair. “This was at Cam’s house when we got there.”

It was just a simple piece of notebook paper but it felt like much more than that in Mallory’s hand. She unfolded the note as Denny sat beside her.

In her sister’s sweet handwriting, they read:

Mal, I’m sorry I have to miss your wedding day. You can’t imagine how much I want to be there for you and Denny. But my life is a mess and I need to figure out who I am and where I’m going. I love you so much. Thank you for taking care of me and for always just being there. I’ll let you all know where I am when I get there. I love everyone and I will see you all soon. Kiss those babies for me. I’m proud of you, Mal. You’re an amazing woman and you’re going to be an amazing mother. Talk to you soon. Nora

            Mallory wiped the tear off her cheek and rested her head against Denny’s shoulder. “Why would she just leave? Why not talk to somebody?”

            “I don’t know, baby, but she seemed pretty upset when I got here.”

            A light cough sounded from behind the family. “Is this the Carlyle-Thatcher wedding party?”

            Mallory looked back at the gentleman and smiled. “Yes, thank you for coming.”

            He nodded before speaking again. “Well, shall we get you married?”

            Mallory looked over at Denny. “We can wait for Nora if you want, Mal.”

            She looked down at the note in her hand and exhaled. “No. She wouldn’t want that. I know she wants to be here but something is preventing that from happening. So we’ll get married today like we planned and hope we can help Nora with whatever has her so upset.”

            Denny smiled and kissed her. “Sounds like a plan. I love you.”

            “I love you too.” She glanced down at the note once more and said a silent prayer for Nora.

            “Coming, baby?” Denny asked as he stood and held a hand out for Mallory.

            She accepted his hand and finally felt at peace with her life as she heard her two children start to cry.  

            

99 and Counting

     Do you remember in elementary school how we celebrated the 100th day? Everyone would bring 100 items, whether it was 100 pennies, buttons, stickers, etc. It was a tool not only to mark close to the halfway point of the year but also to give us a tangible idea of what 100 looked like.
    Once you get out of school, the number 100 doesn't really mean too much to us. I don't worry about getting 100% on my next test because there isn't one. I'm not anywhere near my 100th birthday. So the number 100 is hard to fathom.
     I never thought I'd be waiting for my 100th book to sell but that's where I am tonight. Since I released my first book in January, I have sold 99 books. Ninety-nine! How crazy is that? Reaching the milestone of 100 was something not even in my realm of possibility but now it's within my grasp. Maybe one of those 99 will read the books I've written and pass them along and maybe I'll get a phone call or email from a publishing company. Who knows? With 99 copies of my books out there, someone has to know someone else, right?
     This is going to be a short blog because I start moving tomorrow. Fun weekend plans of boxes and tape, I can tell you that much. But I would like to send out a sincere thank-you to those 99 people who have helped me achieve something I'd never thought possible. I finally believe that I can actually do this and be successful and for that, I can't thank each of you enough. Good night and sweet dreams from my little corner to yours.
   

Love is...

I've been thinking a lot about love lately. What it should and shouldn't be. I've never been in love before so I don't know first-hand what all goes into making a loving relationship work. Obviously I love and am loved by my family and friends. But that's different. And I draw my conclusions from those same family and friends and the examples of love that they have shown me and the world around us.

Love shouldn't be controlling or mean. You can say things in anger or hurt that will be difficult to forget but they should never come from a place meant to gleefully cause pain. Love shouldn't be lazy or expectant. Of course, love should have certain expectations but you should never assume or feel entitled. Love is the most precious gift we have to offer someone and that gift should never be taken lightly, no matter how comfortable you are. Love shouldn't be selfish. By its very essence, love should be more giving than receiving and if each person does that then there should be no room for selfishness.

I was lucky. I grew up in a home where I knew my parents not only loved each other but also genuinely liked each other. We never had to worry if the next argument would be the final straw. I never had to encounter the word divorce and all that comes with it unless it was through a friend.

I tell people I want nothing more than to be a wife, a mother and a writer. But I think what I want more than anything is love. Love is supposed to make you feel confident, just knowing that someone out there sees to your soul and thinks you are amazing. The search for love, however, often leaves the searcher feeling the exact opposite of confident. Personally, I look within myself for the problem when things don't pan out. I wish I could be confident and think "It's just another date for coffee," but what I'm really thinking is "How long before I stop waiting for a phone call this time?" I'm scared that every attempt will end this way and so far they have. So am I living a never-ending, self-fulfilling prophecy or is my judgment just that bad?

Love is a journey that two souls make during a lifetime and there are days when I feel like my starting gate didn't open, that I'm stuck watching everyone else race to their destiny.

I've seen good love and bad and I've taken from these examples my own list of what I want my love to be. I know you can't custom order love, but I also know what love shouldn't be. I just hope I know what it is if I'm ever lucky enough to find it. But right now I can honestly say that looking for love sometimes makes my soul tired.

I do always know where to find wonderful examples of love and that is on my little bookshelf.

My Little Bookshelf: 50 Shades of Grey. Enough said. I found a wonderful author named Jamie McGuire. The first book of hers that I read Beautiful Disaster was so good I read it straight through in one sitting and was awake until 5am to do so. She also wrote the Providence Trilogy which is a great sci-fi, fantasy romance series about angels and demons. Very well written. The 13th installment of the Rough Riders series by Lorelei James was recently released. It is entitled Kissin' Tell. It's great to read the stories about the McKay cousins. Catherine Bybee released Married by Monday, the sequel to the amazing ebook Wife by Wednesday. Some of my favorites have new releases: Karen Rose (No One Left to Tell), Maya Banks (Echoes at Dawn), Susan Mallery (Summer Nights), and Jill Shalvis (At Last). Finally, I suggest all romance fans purchase the anthology entitled SEAL of my Dreams. It's over fifteen of today's hottest romance authors writing stories about true heroes. The best part is that none of the authors will receive a dime from the sale of this book. Every penny is being donated to the Veteran's Research Corporation, a non-profit foundation supporting medical research for veterans.

I'll sign off now with the deepest parts of my soul wishing that history will not once again repeat itself. And to those of you out there lucky enough to have found true love, hold on to it with both your hands. Good night from my little corner of the world.

For those who serve

   Growing up as the child of a service member, days like today mean something different to me. To some it's the day the pools open, to others it's their official start of summer. While those are all very exciting things especially in the Midwest where summer means heat and humidity, to me Memorial Day is about my dad. In the post- 9/11 world we live in, people tend to say thank you more often to the peole who keep our country safe than they did before our counrty was attacked and innocent lives taken for no reason other than that people didn't like us. But I want to ask that every one say thank you not just on national holidays when you think about it. Say it every day because every single day service men and women give us the gift of freedom.
   I've learned recently things about my father's job that as a child would have baffled and confused me, things that would have made it hard to sleep at night. But then I think that if I had known then what I know now maybe I would have slept just as peacefully knowing that my dad and the men he worked with were keeping us all safe.
   So from my little corner of the world I want to tell them all thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for sacrificing so much so that I am able to share my thoughts freely with anyone who cares to read them. Thank you for missing holidays and birthdays, anniversaries and births, so that we all may live free from oppression and terror. Thank you to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice so that others may come home to their families. Also, thank you to the families who serve alongside the memebers of the military. We know they do not serve alone and that the families also make great sacrifices for the protection of our country. Thank you and God bless each and every one of you.

Stalled out but still writing. Sneak peek ahead.

   Hi everyone. It's taken a while to get past that writer's block I had going. But I (and the voices in my head) needed a chance to regroup and relax, to work out how to get my next story going. I think I got it now, so I am getting antsy to start writing again. And it feels amazing. These next characters better watch out.
   Not so amazing is that sales of Saving Tate have stalled. I know it happens to everyone but I just don't know how else to get the word out there. So anyone still holding out, or anyone who has read it, please let people know. I hit 51 total sales at the end of April but nothing since. I'm anxiously waiting for my talented brother to create the cover for Fielder's Choice (hint, hint, nudge, nudge) and will put that on sale as soon as it's ready. I was also thinking maybe putting the first two books together in one to sell would be a good idea. But that's all a bit further down the road.
   Summer is just around the corner and apparently love is in the air. I have several weddings to attend starting in a few weeks. It seems like everyone is either getting married or having a baby. And congratulations to them all. Hopefully someday my time will come. Until then, I can write as many happy endings as I want, with myself in the starring role. Or someone that closely resembles me.
   Now for all of you who are also waiting very patiently for Fielder's Choice, I decided to give you a little sneak peek. It's not much but it comes in the days just following the end of Saving Tate. And for those of you who haven't met Mallory and Denny, or even Cam and Tate, head over to Barnes and Noble.com and purchase Saving Tate for only $.99.

My Little Bookshelf:  I just finished re-reading and completing the entire Troubleshooter/SEAL Team Sixteen series by Suzanne Brockmann. I love all these books but my favorite couple would have to be Sam and Alyssa. Maybe Eden and Izzy, too. But it's close. Definitely recommend this series especially if you like your heroes in uniform. Also, I've read the first three books in the Sullivans series by Bella Andre, courtesy of my Nook. Sweet love stories with your happily-ever-after-ending, they are nice, relaxing reads. And I  just finished Whisper Falls by Toni Blake, part of her Destiny series. I love her books and always try to pick up the new one.
   I'm looking forward to getting the two new Nora Roberts' books that were released last month, but I put them on hold because I was reading the Navy SEAL books. And Carly Phillips' new book Karma is also on my summer reading list.

   Well, that's about all from my little corner of the world. May your summer be filled with excitement and adventure, true love and romance. And may it not only be in the pages of a good book. Good night, my friends. See you again soon.

******************** SPOILER ALERT************************
                       Sneak preview of Fielder's Choice.
           
          **This excerpt contains strong language. Readers be advised.

            “Denny, we need to talk.”

            Mallory Carlyle looked at the man that she had been sharing a bed with for the past three weeks. The man she loved. The man she could no longer see.

            “Mal, what’s wrong?” Denny asked as he set down his beer and turned the TV down. Without their ace pitcher, Cam Carlyle, Mallory’s younger brother, the team he and Cam played for didn’t make it to post-season play. Denny was watching the division wild card game.

            Mallory looked funny, almost sad.

            “Baby, talk to me,” Denny said as he pulled her down onto the couch beside him. “Whatever it is, we’ll fix it.”

            She shook her head. “We can’t.”

            Denny’s mind started racing. He couldn’t think of what could have gone wrong. They’d been going along smoothly since they got back together a few weeks ago. “What is so bad that we can’t fix it, Mallory? Whatever it is, we’ll get through it. Together.”

            Mallory had yet to speak, leaving Denny to come to his own conclusions. He wrapped her in his arms, despite her weak attempts to get away. “Honey, are you pregnant?”

            She jerked back out of his arms, her eyes wide. “What? Why would you think that?”

            “Well, you’re not giving me much to go on here, Mal. What am I supposed to think?”

            Mallory stared at him, wanting to be upset with his assumption, but he was right. She wasn’t being clear. “No,” she finally said. “I’m not pregnant.”

            Denny released a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. “Okay, then what’s going on? I haven’t seen that look on your face in a long time.”

            She closed her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. She couldn’t sit next to him, especially with what she had to say. “Denny, I can’t do this anymore.”

            “Do what?” he asked carefully, praying his instincts were wrong.

            “This,” Mallory said motioning between the two of them. “Us.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            She began pacing to avoid the angry look on Denny’s face that she knew would be there. “It’s just not going to work.”

            Denny rose slowly from the couch. “That’s bullshit, Mallory, and you know it.” The barely controlled rage in his voice broke her heart. “Tell me what changed your mind because you seemed pretty happy with me last night when I was fucking you.”

            “Stop it,” Mallory said quietly.

            “I will when you tell me where your head is at, because something had to have happened for you to change your position so quickly. And I know I sure as hell didn’t mess up this time.

            “Did you meet someone else? Are you just bored? Is this payback for whatever you think happened two years ago? What? Tell me what I have to do to fix this!”

            Mallory didn’t want the tears to fall but she couldn’t stop them.

            “Talk to me, Mallory, please.”

            “Denny, it’s just too hard,” she sobbed.

            “What, baby? What is so hard? I thought we’d been doing pretty good.”

            “It’s Cam. You should see the way he looks at me when he comes into a room. I haven’t talked to him since he got out of the hospital. He wouldn’t even take my call after the whole episode with Gary. He’s disappointed in me and it’s killing me.”

            Denny turned away not able to listen anymore. “You want to end this because Cam isn’t happy?” he asked quietly.

            “Denny, you don’t understand. Cam is one of my best friends and it hurts that he won’t even talk to me. And he’s my brother. I need to fix things with him before I can even think about a serious relationship.”

            “A serious relationship with anyone or just with me?” When Mallory had no answer, Denny continued. “So I was just a pastime?”

            Mallory sighed and shook her head. “No, you weren’t, which I think is Cam’s biggest problem.”

            “For fuck’s sake, Mallory, do I look like I care what Cam’s problem is?”

            She didn’t know what else to say. “I’m just gonna go back to Cam’s. I fly out tomorrow morning anyway and I need to pack.”

            “So you’re just going to run again?”

            “I’m not running anywhere. I have a life to get back to.”

            He laughed sharply. “A life I’m not going to be a part of?”

            “Denny, please.”

            “What, Mal? What do you want? A hug and a kiss and a ‘see ya’ around’? Not going to happen, sweetheart.”

            Mallory nodded and walked to the door. Her purse was on the side table and as she grabbed it, she spoke very softly. “I wish things were different, Denny. I really do because I would choose you. Every time.”

            Before he could respond, Mallory shut the door and was gone. The sound of his beer bottle breaking punctuated the silence she left behind. That night Denny got completely wasted and stayed that way for a week.

Oh...Writer's Block

     I guess I had it coming. I wrote basically an entire book this past year, if you count the pieces of other books I started putting together. And I should have anticipated the block, the lack of voices shouting in my head to get out. To most people that sounds peaceful but to me it's downright eerie. It's happened before. It'll happen again. I just hope it doesn't take as long this time around to feel rejuvenated and fresh and ready to work on another story. I've finished Fielder's Choice. I looked through it many times and I feel as though I have put all I have into Mallory and Denny's struggle to find each other. It's no wonder I feel as though picking up a pen is the most monumental task I will ever accomplish.
     Every writer faces it, whether you are crunched for a deadline or just have no idea how to start. I want to write, I truly do but every time I try, it feels wrong somehow, that what I've written will not do these characters justice. I'm just trying to get from point A to point B but there are ten other letters standing in the way and they don't connect. It's a strange feeling to have the voices, the ideas silent. Maybe I can work out some of the garbage here while everything is simmering inside. Maybe this will move things around enough that I can squeeze on through and find point B. Maybe I just have to out wait my brain.
     As far as sales of Saving Tate, I couldn't be more ecstatic. March has been my best-selling month so far with 19 sales as of today. That puts my overall sales total at 39 if I can remember correctly. It's incredibly humbling to know that that many people are reading my words. I hope with the release of Fielder's Choice that both will exceed my expectations. And maybe someday, I'll be able to walk into an actual store and see my book sitting on the shelf with the likes of Nora Roberts and Susan Mallery, Rachel Gibson and Victoria Dahl. Heck, maybe someday those women will read my books. That'd be mind-blowing; to have the people who line my bookshelves read the words that I wrote after falling in love with characters they created.
     It's been a crazy year so far, and as the winter that wasn't fades into spring in my little corner of the world, I hope that the craziness continues because without it, the world is just a blank piece of paper. It's up to us to write the story.


My Little Bookshelf: Like most of you know I am a re-reader. Sad but true. I've recently been going back through all of Karen Rose's books which are all amazing. A lot of mystery and suspense mixed with romance and you have yourself a winning combination. Also, I have started reading Cheryl Holt's novels again. Her not-quite-so-prim and proper historical novels will force you to the edge of your comfort level then shove you over, which you end up not minding. So my advice when reading Ms. Holt's work: spread your arms and enjoy the ride down. :-) I came across Nina Pierce while searching for free ebooks online. She has a trilogy, of which I've read the first two and third is waiting on my nook, and they are excellent. I definitely recommend Blind her with Bliss and Deceive her with Desire. My next read will be Lora Leigh's Midnight Sins. Can't wait.

Anticipation

   I can say now that I have published a book that the hard part isn't writing the story. It's actually in wondering who is reading your words. I've now reached twenty-four sales which may not seem like a lot to most people but to me, who wasn't ever sure I'd get my books published, twenty-four is astronomical. But I wish I knew who was buying my book. And I wish I knew what they thought.
   When I first asked my sister to read Saving Tate, I was afraid that I had become too attached to the characters, that I thought and felt things about them only because they came from my head. I was afraid that what I thought was a good piece of writing was actually average or even bad. But when my sister begged me for the next chapters, one right after the other, when she would call me names for making her cry, when she would laugh out loud at a witty piece of dialogue, I knew it wasn't just me. I knew that at least one other person had seen what I had seen in those characters and in those hundreds of pages of words that I pounded out into my laptop. That every painstaking minute of editing and rewriting and doodling was going to be worth it.
   And now, twenty-four other people have read my words. Twenty-four people have given some no-name author from the Midwest a chance to captivate their minds and steal their hearts with words that she created. And I want nothing more than to thank those twenty-four people for helping my dream come true. I invite more of you to read about Tate and Cam in Saving Tate and for those of you anxiously awaiting book two, Fielder's Choice, I thank you for your patience and interest in the next of the Carlyles to find true love.
  
   So goodnight, from my little corner of the world to yours, and may all your dreams come true too.

My Little Bookshelf: I finally got Celebrity in Death by J.D. Robb and devoured it. I love every single book in that series. I also read Exclusively Yours by Shannon Stacey. It was a nice, sweet read and the first in a series about the Kowalski family. I'll make sure to get the next books in that series. And I just read Forbidden Pleasure by Lora Leigh. I l ove all her books and they are a little edgier than your typical romance but that just means the love is stronger, at least in my opinion.

The world...it is a'changing

     I grew up in a household where we said 'please' and 'thank you,' where my parents were (and still are) addressed as 'sir and ma'am,' and where dinner at the table together was our norm. Now that my family has turned into the exception rather than the rule, I wonder if it has helped or hindered me in this world we find ourselves living in.
     Maybe I'm too kind-hearted for this world, a place where my feelings get hurt in response to a situation that has nothing to do with me except for one person involved. But I can't help that I want to be with this person on one of the most important days of her life. I can't help that it hurts that she didn't ask me to be there. And I again know that it's not about me but still. I hate hurting other people's feelings and find myself more sensitive in situations where I'm the one being hurt.
     I try to make everyone else happy before myself, which is a nice sentiment but at some point I have to come first. I have to follow my dreams and search for my happy ending. I have to live the life I know I was destined to live. I write my own happy endings in my books in the hopes that someday, it'll be reality. I write to tell people how I'm really feeling inside because it's easier for me to express myself through words. I write so I know how I'm feeling about a particular subject or event, to discover my views or opinions, to say the things I only wish I could say out loud.
     The world I live in makes me tired. I live in a world where people settle because they are afraid something better won't come along. I live in a world where people are treated with so little respect that I feel sad for the coming generations. I live in a world where not too many real-life happy endings exist. So I dream. And I write. And someday somebody is going to read my words and my dream will come true. But until then, I'll be here, in my little corner of this world, dreaming and writing.



My Little Bookshelf: I just read the entire Fatal series by Marie Force, starting with Fatal Affair. I always love a series with the same main couple in each title. Definitely a good read. I'm finishing up What I Did for Love by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. And I can't wait to get the next J.D. Robb title, Celebrity in Death. This series is also a must-read. And re-read for those of you like me. :-)

Is there such a thing as too many books?

  Hello all. I'm sitting here on a beautiful Saturday in February, trying to organize my massive amount of books better by using a book organizer program on my computer. And with that previous statement, I have to ask: Is there such a thing as too many books?
  I think not, as long as you have the space for them. Most of my books are in Rubbermaid tubs that slide under my bed or stack against the wall. I feel sad for my little books in their homes but I have tried my hardest to cut down the number of books I own. I've started using the library and I also have my nook which saves a lot of room. But I love the feel of books in my hands and the smell of the pages; the physical act of turning a page to find out what will happen next makes holding the book in my hand so worth it.
   There is just something special about knowing that within the covers of a book lies a magical adventure, a fight for survival, an undying love, or laughter for all ages.
   With the emergence of the digital readers, I know people are concerned that print books will fade into extinction. I, however, will always be in line for my favorite author's next book. Because I know that within the cover of that next book, I'll meet new friends and uncover new secrets that I can literally carry with me forever.
  So, that's all for now as I dig out from under my stacks of adventures and romances and mysteries. Who knows what the next set of pages will bring us. From my little corner of the world, may your pages always be filled with happy endings.

My Little Bookshelf: For those of you who have been living under the same rock I have, I suggest you crawl out and read The Hunger Games trilogy. So amazing! I cannot wait for the movie to come out. Also, my sister found a nice little tale called Wife by Wednesday by Catherine Bybee. It's an ebook but it was a sweet and humorous romance that I loved. I am now in the process of revisiting the Hell's Eight novels by Sarah McCarty since the newest one Shadow's Stand was released. These books are awesome and the heroes are mouthwatering.