Love is...

I've been thinking a lot about love lately. What it should and shouldn't be. I've never been in love before so I don't know first-hand what all goes into making a loving relationship work. Obviously I love and am loved by my family and friends. But that's different. And I draw my conclusions from those same family and friends and the examples of love that they have shown me and the world around us.

Love shouldn't be controlling or mean. You can say things in anger or hurt that will be difficult to forget but they should never come from a place meant to gleefully cause pain. Love shouldn't be lazy or expectant. Of course, love should have certain expectations but you should never assume or feel entitled. Love is the most precious gift we have to offer someone and that gift should never be taken lightly, no matter how comfortable you are. Love shouldn't be selfish. By its very essence, love should be more giving than receiving and if each person does that then there should be no room for selfishness.

I was lucky. I grew up in a home where I knew my parents not only loved each other but also genuinely liked each other. We never had to worry if the next argument would be the final straw. I never had to encounter the word divorce and all that comes with it unless it was through a friend.

I tell people I want nothing more than to be a wife, a mother and a writer. But I think what I want more than anything is love. Love is supposed to make you feel confident, just knowing that someone out there sees to your soul and thinks you are amazing. The search for love, however, often leaves the searcher feeling the exact opposite of confident. Personally, I look within myself for the problem when things don't pan out. I wish I could be confident and think "It's just another date for coffee," but what I'm really thinking is "How long before I stop waiting for a phone call this time?" I'm scared that every attempt will end this way and so far they have. So am I living a never-ending, self-fulfilling prophecy or is my judgment just that bad?

Love is a journey that two souls make during a lifetime and there are days when I feel like my starting gate didn't open, that I'm stuck watching everyone else race to their destiny.

I've seen good love and bad and I've taken from these examples my own list of what I want my love to be. I know you can't custom order love, but I also know what love shouldn't be. I just hope I know what it is if I'm ever lucky enough to find it. But right now I can honestly say that looking for love sometimes makes my soul tired.

I do always know where to find wonderful examples of love and that is on my little bookshelf.

My Little Bookshelf: 50 Shades of Grey. Enough said. I found a wonderful author named Jamie McGuire. The first book of hers that I read Beautiful Disaster was so good I read it straight through in one sitting and was awake until 5am to do so. She also wrote the Providence Trilogy which is a great sci-fi, fantasy romance series about angels and demons. Very well written. The 13th installment of the Rough Riders series by Lorelei James was recently released. It is entitled Kissin' Tell. It's great to read the stories about the McKay cousins. Catherine Bybee released Married by Monday, the sequel to the amazing ebook Wife by Wednesday. Some of my favorites have new releases: Karen Rose (No One Left to Tell), Maya Banks (Echoes at Dawn), Susan Mallery (Summer Nights), and Jill Shalvis (At Last). Finally, I suggest all romance fans purchase the anthology entitled SEAL of my Dreams. It's over fifteen of today's hottest romance authors writing stories about true heroes. The best part is that none of the authors will receive a dime from the sale of this book. Every penny is being donated to the Veteran's Research Corporation, a non-profit foundation supporting medical research for veterans.

I'll sign off now with the deepest parts of my soul wishing that history will not once again repeat itself. And to those of you out there lucky enough to have found true love, hold on to it with both your hands. Good night from my little corner of the world.